The cool air breezed by me. Strands of my hair waved over my cheek. Looking up at the cloud-covered sky I wondered if he was thinking about me. As if on cue, the sun peaked out from behind the clouds and casted a beam of shiny, yellow light onto my hands resting in my lap. I smiled at the plausible coincidence and then continued to wonder when I was going to talk to him again.
I had been sitting in front of the fire pit in the middle of my backyard. The air became cooler as the day wore on, but I didn’t mind. The lounge chair cushioned me while listening to the birds talking put me in my own, little reverie. I tried sitting on the ground upright, on my knees in a proper meditative stance hoping to lose myself within. The struggle was real; thousands of thoughts and images ramshackled in and out of my mind like a train plowing through a station without stopping. I longed for the pause in between thoughts and pictures, but found myself getting frustrated rather quickly.
Instead I gave up and relaxed myself by sitting on the chair, allowing my mental wanderlust to take over. A fly soon buzzed by my left ear startling me. Its buzzing mimicked the endless noise in my head and I laughed quietly to myself, and then began thinking about how we [human beings] sometimes get so wrapped up in our own minds that we forget there’s a bigger world around us. Sometimes we need the downtime to go over all of the thoughts and ideas streaming through our mental state. Sometimes it helps things sort themselves out, sometimes it makes things worse, and sometimes it doesn’t get us anywhere at all. I felt the latter was happening here.
But I supposed losing myself in my own thought processes while noticing the sounds and scene around me formed my own, little meditation. It’s not every day I get to experience the outdoors in this capacity. It’s not every day I have a few hours of downtime, of “me” time. It’s not every day I get to meditate – that may be a white lie. I could make the time to meditate, but I guess I sometimes choose not to. And I guess I sometimes fall into a self-meditative state just by allowing my thoughts to come and go as they please. And I guess I will let myself think about him again. I hope I get to talk to him soon . . .